the greatest of these is love

but still posting! :)

just a little theme i've been pondering today. well, since 10 o'clock tonight.

i was over hanging out at M21, with three of the coolest ladies ever, and we were just chillaxin', watching some tv. not something i'd usually watch, but that didn't stop God from using it. there was this line...

"As my mind is trying to make sense of the impossible, He is making my sight a liability."

the show wasn't referring to God. but i think it could be.

then, i went to the dorm b/c i had to go on a round anyway, and because i missed shana over break, so we talked, then we went to find this guy that recently got engaged to congratulate him and do a congratulatory dance in the stairwell (:-D)...and it was raining a bit when i walked over, but while we were in matt's room, it started lightning and thundering. and matt pulled up weather.com to see what the radar looked like. to see what i was walking into.

and my mouth just said..."it doesn't really matter...i'll walk through it whether i see it now or not."

and i've been thinking lately about how much my trust relies on how i'm feeling. how much i'm trusting God usually depends on how much i see Him working around me, on how i feel that day, if i'm crabby and haven't gotten enough sleep, or if i'm excited for the new possibilities. it relies on my sight. and that's becoming a liability.

i think Heather sums it up pretty well. i don't wanna keep basing my trust in Him on what i see...but on Who He is. sometimes i do feel like i'm gonna puke.

but there are times...few and far between sometimes...when the ride is wonderful. when there is no fear and no worry, and i'm really out there. one time was Russia...i was reminded so many times throughout the summer..throughout every day, really, that all i could do was trust Him. really, what else did i have? i was halfway across the world with seven people i didn't know all that well (yet!). who else was there to trust?

and i was so scared before that trip. and now i'm so excited about the passion that's risen in me.

and now i'm really scared about next summer. not about going halfway across the world with a team of people i don't even know, with a leader i've never met. but about staying "home." see, the trip i was really excited about is off....cancelled. i could go somewhere else, but this Thanksgiving break i realized more than ever how important family is. and if i wanna do this for the rest of my life...or at least a good part of the first few years out of college, then i want to cherish the time that i do have. but it's gonna be rough. i know it will be.

i dunno guys, we'll see. i guess i'll walk through whatever it is, even if i can't see it now.

peace